Healthy Relationships: Teen Newsletter

A relationship is the way two or more people are connected. Examples of a family relationship could be mother-daughter, brother-sister, or cousins. You can also have relationships such as friends, coworkers, and romantic relationships (spouses or dating).

Healthy relationships are respectful, kind, and thoughtful. The people in the relationship will feel loved, safe, and at peace when they are together. Feelings associated with healthy relationships could be described as; safe, connected, fulfilled, warm, accepted, and loved.

For a relationship to be healthy all of those in the relationship should feel respected, supported, and valued. They should all make decisions together and have input in conversations. They should be able to settle disagreements with open and honest communication. There should be more good times than bad times. Those in a healthy relationship will not be afraid to speak up if they are upset or uncomfortable. When respect is present in a relationship all those involved will feel secure.

Activities that build a bond will help a relationship be positive and thrive. Completing activities that both parties enjoy such as hiking, watching a funny movie, or cooking a meal together will help foster these connections.

Maintaining a healthy relationship with anyone is not an easy task, but it is an important one. Having healthy relationships with those around you will allow for greater happiness, positive mental health, and even a stronger immune system. 

LOVE IS KIND

The Tabitha Brock Foundation started a t-shirt project called “Love is Kind” to promote healthy relationships. We believe that speaking openly to others about relationship health will create a positive community and impact on our world. Those participating in the project were asked while wearing the shirt to speak with others about healthy relationships, mental health, and that kindness matters. 

Our goal with the shirts is to educate others on the nature of love and that it is kind, respectful, and patient. We encourage those in any type of relationship (family, friend, or romantic) to always remember they should receive nothing less. Love is never cruel, spiteful, or hateful. 

Those who are mentally healthy will also have healthy relationships with those around them. By understanding what a healthy relationship is you can much easier see what is unhealthy in a relationship. If the action of someone in the relationship makes you feel afraid, uncomfortable, or have low self-esteem than it is not love.

We hope with our positive message that “Love is Kind” that others will speak not only to their loved ones, but also those around them about healthy relationships. It takes all of us to educate one another on this issue. Local restaurant Rails joined us on October 22^nd, 2015 for Purple Thursday for Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Employees at the restaurant wore their “Love is Kind” t-shirt or a purple shirt to promote healthy relationships.

Thank you to all those who joined our project either by ordering a shirt or speaking about this project. We appreciate all your efforts in supporting us in our mission. #LoveisKind 

NEXT WEEKS ISSUE: TEEN BULLYING 

Bullying is a serious issue that many teens will face. Bullying can happen in school, at home by siblings, online, and more. Bullying done online through social media sites such as Facebook or Twitter is known as cyber bullying.

Bullying can lead to depression, anxiety, and negative self-image in teenagers. It can have serious consequences on a teen’s mental, emotional, and physical health.

In the next issue we will be speaking about bullying prevention, statistics in Indiana, and mental health issues surrounding bullying. 

* This newsletter was created for The Tabitha Brock Foundation's educational project with Girls Inc. of Seymour. It was geared towards the teen girls.

If you would like to have your teen join our educational project they must be signed up at Girls Inc. in Seymour to attend. You can email or Facebook us for more information. Thank you!

Email: 

justicefortabitha@hotmail.com

Websites: 

www.thetabithabrockfoundation.com

www.facebook.com/justicefortabitha 

TEXT only:

812-498-0129

Adjusting to Trauma

In the 24 years I've been alive I have had many wonderful memories, but I have also endured multiple traumatic events. Trauma can shape your life so completely that it feels as if it is your entire being. I was 21-years-old when my older sister, my closest friend, was murdered and later set on fire, The loss and violence of her death haunted me and took over my entire life. The first year I barely functioned. I knew logically that I was alive, but inside it felt as if I had died and found myself in hell. I barely ate, couldn't sleep or would sleep all day, and nearly lost every friend I had. While they would speak to me at work or when they saw me out I rarely left my home and barely allowed anyone to come over. The isolation and loneliness nearly drove me mad, but I feared allowing anyone in to see and feel my agony.

Tabitha Gayle Brock
Born: November 20th, 1988
Murdered: May 10th, 2012
In our hearts. Always.

I couldn't get over the way she died. Was she in pain? Did she know she was about to die? But mostly I wanted to know why? In the back of my mind questions, pain, and rage boiled every moment. It was everywhere I went. I was so trapped in negative thinking I could no longer see the beauty in life, the simplicity and joy of connection, or the positive aspects of humanity. Tabitha's death triggered something in me that came to the surface; my hidden fear and anger at the human race.

For a long time I had been afraid of other people. Even before Tabitha was murdered I had trouble connecting with others; especially in closer friendships or intimacy. Maintaining close relationships has always been difficult to me; especially after high school. I remember distinctly one of my biggest fears was going to stores or in public alone. I always had this feeling that I just knew someone was going to hurt me, but more importantly that they were going to touch me. Even if it was simply a kind and loving gesture such as a hug or touching my arm I would get a panicky feeling inside my chest.

After I lost Tabitha I began to research the signs of domestic abuse. I had begun a Facebook page called "Justice for Tabitha" right after she died. I planned on it being a memorial page and where friends/family could get updates on her case. Very quickly, however, I had people writing from all over the world with words of comfort and support. I never expected it to lift me up from the darkness as much as it did. Some days the kind words of someone halfway around the world was the only thing keeping me alive.

Throughout my research about abuse I began to open up more to myself about what had happened in my past. I stumbled across many articles about sexual abuse while researching domestic violence. As I would read the articles I realized that so much of it resonated with me. I had a secret that only a few friends and colleagues knew. It was a secret that I kept buried inside for a really long time because of the deep shame. As a child, over the course of many years, I was molested and raped.

Tabitha (left) & me (right)

While working with a therapist I learned most likely I had suffered from PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) my entire life. I fit so many of my symptoms even before I lost my sister. Why I had trouble sitting close to other people, my fear of being alone in public without a friend, my difficulty with intimacy and close friendships. The murder of my sister was compounded by the trauma I endured as a child and had never healed from.

I knew then all I could do is try to adjust, and heal, from the trauma. I consciously began to try focusing on healing myself. It began with understanding that both these events were out of my control. As a young child I did not understand that I was being molested and to tell someone about it. I only knew that someone was hurting me and I felt ashamed, humiliated, and degraded. Though my parent would have supported me instantly had I spoke up, I was too ashamed to say anything. Just like I could not control the abuse I received as a child I could also not stop my sister's murder. Four years ago I simply did not have the knowledge about abusive relationships nor could I see what her killer would do that night in May.

I have been working on letting go of blaming myself for acts that were out of my control. I focus on the positive parts of life - even small moments such as watching a funny movie, playing with my dogs, or laughing with my co-workers. I still have many bad days, but the good days are increasing and I appreciate them more than ever.

I take efforts every day to increase my mood and well being. Whether it is by watching a show I love, meditating, eating a healthy meal, or talking with my friends. Focusing on my mental health and understanding what I am going through has helped me on this journey. I found that once I did extensive research on PTSD, anxiety, stress, surviving sexual abuse, and grief that I began to find new ways to heal. I finally understood the problems I was facing and how to begin healing from them.

Healing from trauma takes a lot of effort and even then sometimes people never heal. For me it has consisted of working towards a greater good, something to help others, that has given me the most peace. I try to always be honest with others about my journey and speak openly about what has happened in my life though this is the first time I have done so in a public forum. I hope by telling my story it helps other people to know that speaking out about abuse is not only okay, but necessary for healing. Survivors deserve the right to tell their story and should be encouraged to do so when they are ready.

It's going to be a long journey for me; just like it will for so many others who have faced traumatic circumstances. But I can now say for the first time that I truly love myself and that I am finding my way to happiness again. I do believe that love, kindness, and support can save those who have gone through trauma and I do believe it will save me.

Nikki Allman
Tabitha's Little Sister

www.thetabithabrockfoundation.com
www.facebook.com/justicefortabitha
www.twitter.com/justice4tabitha