Throughout my entire childhood never once were we spoke to about teen dating violence or sexual abuse during school. It was in eighth grade that Tabitha met the man who would later murder her. She was 14 years old and he was 21. They dated quietly for a year before anyone found out. He seemed quiet and charming. Not someone you would ever think could be capable of something so evil. Over the course of the next few years I watched as he charmed his way into my sister's heart. Bringing her expensive gifts, taking her out to dinners and the movies, and seeming like the perfect guy.
It wouldn't be long until he began the usual tactics of a domestic abuser. While, he never hit my sister until the night he killed her (as far as we know) he was emotionally and psychologically abusive to her over the course of ten years. It began with small comments to make her feel negatively about herself and later went to more extreme measures including stalking her and stealing items from her house and his workplace. Tabitha had separated from him several years before he murdered her, but stayed in contact because of their son together.
I did not understand that during those ten years what I was watching happen to my sister was domestic violence. I knew that he was mean to her at times and had strange behaviors, but I thought he was "just a jerk". I don't think I ever thought he would physically harm my sister. Now, looking back I feel devastated for not recognizing the signs of abuse and how serious it was.
I should have tried harder to get her away from him, taken her more seriously when she talked about all the crazy things he did, and spoken up when I saw the behavior myself. I understand now I simply did not have the knowledge, nor the courage, to do so at the time. I could write a thousand things I could have done differently, but it would not change it now. All I can do is try to prevent future violence in her memory.
Now, after three years of intense study about domestic violence I do what I can to educate those around me so that they do not go through my sister's fate. Educating children young on teen dating violence, sexual abuse, and bullying is vital in ending the epidemic of violence that is ravaging our world. Without a true understanding of these types of violence, and where to go if one is going through it, we will continue to see the cycle of violence continue.
It starts at home in educating others about abuse, but it's just as important that schools, workplaces, and businesses get involved in preventing domestic violence. On average, 24 people per minute are victims of rape, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner in the United States - more than 12 million women and men over the course of a year (NDVH). It happens across the board through all age groups, cultures, and demographics.
If you are being abused please reach out to a trusted loved one or a local domestic violence agency! You do not deserve to be treated with less than respect. Love is patient, kind, and respectful. Never cruel, abusive, or controlling. To educate yourself about domestic violence please 'like' our page on Facebook and/or read through the articles below. Make sure to examine the relationships that you, your family, and friends have and ask yourself if it is healthy. If you need someone to talk to you can message us on our Facebook page.
Best of Wishes,
Nikki Allman
In Loving Memory of
Tabitha Gayle Brock
Beloved Mother, Daughter, and Sister
Born - November 20, 1988
Murdered - May 10, 2012
www.thetabithabrockfoundation.com
http://www.thehotline.org/resources/statistics/
http://www.ncadv.org/
http://www.breakthecycle.org/
